Far too many

I feel as though God has been slowly unmasking the weight of His call to me.

In my Ritual, Symbol, and Myth class, we watched a video called “Faith and Doubt at Ground Zero.” I witnessed footage of bodies streaming out of windows a hundred stories above the earth. I heard from people who had sons and daughters slain, listening to them describe with horror how their loved ones were probably enveloped in flames, burning alive while breathing in harmful debris. In tears, they talked about how they knew their family members and friends were in heaven with God, watching over them daily. Taking a pause from hearing of emotional, physical, and spiritual hell, I considered this hope of salvation.

I felt like God was saying, “Eddie, take a break from this and listen to Me.”

So, I did.

I had previously heard all of the depressing facts, the dismal figures, the unreal statistics, but this time my heart was softer, more in-touch with God’s own. I realized that the majority of these people who hoped and prayed their relatives were in heaven would be disappointed and crushed if they knew where many of the victims really stood with God. Smiling, crying, they just knew he was alive somewhere, that her presence was still around them, that they will undoubtedly be reunited with their spouse, aunt, uncle, friend, co-worker, father, mother, niece, nephew, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, teacher, manager, grandmother, grandfather, cousin, brother, sister….

More often than is comfortable, they will not be. Instead of a joyful reunion in heaven, a scenario not unlike September 11th is their fate. Angry, confused, hopeless, distraught, lost—no great tragedy needs to be witnessed or experienced in one’s life to experience these sensations. That tragedy has already happened; those attributes can accurately describe so many, too many. How daunting a thought! Every single person that does not know You, Lord.

Angry, confused, hopeless, distraught, lost.

Every…single…person.

A friend recently told me of a survey taken here at Arizona State University involving approximately three hundred students. They were asked if and how they believed they were going to end up in heaven. Based solely on a comparison between their answers and the truth of God’s Word, 92% of enrollment at the second largest university in the country are headed elsewhere.

56,150 students.

Once class is finished, with all of these thoughts flowing through my mind, I begin to walk to where my bike is locked up. The sky is gray, misty, and raining slightly—almost like…tears? I look intently into the eyes of the people I am passing. Take a look at the picture above of college students listening to a campus preacher. Really, look. Can you see it?

Angry…confused…hopeless…distraught…lost….

I look ahead and see a group of elementary school kids walking with a tour guide. What does their future hold? Anger? Confusion? Hopelessness?

And I hear the reality sink in: “Yes, Eddie. Unless we do something…yes.”

It hurts…so bad. The pain is scary—so much deeper than normal wounds. I have felt it before, and admittedly, it frightened me. I shrank away from it; I told it to go away. There are just too many, it is too hard, too overwhelming. I am too weak, too unwilling, and too young. These excuses can no longer satisfy this new heart of mine; at this point, no justification for idleness remains.

Tonight I happened to be in a car driving down the dark road where a neighborhood friend of mine was recently involved in a fatal car accident. As we were turning the corner where the incident took place, I had to be honest with myself….

“How many more friends do I need to lose? How much time observing spiritual death and decay will it take for me to do something? When will come the moment to be truly fervent about fighting Satan’s kingdom by expanding God’s?”

“Eddie, if you hold back any longer, it will be too late for far too many. Whether it is one or one billion, it will be far too many—the time is now.”

This is the moment to become serious about His mission. No more excuses, no more resisting. Although it will hurt, it is time to be utterly consumed by God’s burning heart.

Yes our God, He is a consuming fire
And the flames burn down deep in my soul
Yes our God He is a consuming fire
He reaches inside and He melts down this
cold heart of stone.

For I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me to bring the Gentiles to obedience–by word and deed, by the power of signs and wonders, by the power of the Spirit of God–so that from Jerusalem and all the way around to Illyricum I have fulfilled the ministry of the gospel of Christ; and thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else’s foundation, but as it is written, “Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.”

(Romans 15:18-21 ESV)